Philosophical Crisis

by Jason

In a way I am currently going through a crisis involving my outlook on life and the world.  Let me start out with some background information.

I was raised in a very conservative Christian home, attended church every week, and always have studied at private schools.  Growing up in this kind of environment one is taught to take for granted the existence of GOD and his role as creator of the universe.  Despite being raised in such a manner, I have my whole life wrestled with unbelief in the existence of GOD.  It is not something one takes lightly or admits readily.  When I talk about it with others I have compared it to “coming out.”  One may always know they don’t truly believe in GOD however, it is not something one may easily and quickly admit.

Last summer I kind of discovered Evolution for the first time.  Of course being an educated human being I was very aware of the theory yet growing up the way I did, it never was something that I really learned much about.  Evolution was taught to me as being a ridiculous nonsensical theory that atheists have promoted to remove the need for GOD and morality.  Although I personally did not believe the severity of this teaching, I did for most of my life put little stock in evolutionary theories.

Then one day, in my quest for understanding GOD and my inherent disbelief in him, I stumbled across a video presentation by Richard Dawkins.  For the first time in my life I realized, really realized, that the intellectuals and academics of the world generally ascribe to this theory.  I realized I had been misled, Evolution wasn’t some idiotic idea, it was intelligent, well thought out and had scientific basis.

Continuing to study into it, it became apparent to me that creation was just another myth forced upon me by parents.  Suddenly, like a true conversion experience, my life made sense.  I inherently do not believe in GOD because, as a matter of fact, there is not a GOD.  There is no need for one and no point to his existence.  Everything in the universe has merely happened and continues to coincidentally happen.  Yes, the odds of evolution are astronomical, yes mathematically it seems far fetched, but when one compares it to everyday life it does not appear so absurd.  Every single thing that happens in an individuals life has so many factors that must come together perfectly for each event to take place, yet it always does.  Evolution, to me, seemed to be supported by the mere fact that we live and breath everyday and somehow things happen.

For the first time in my life I had beliefs that I was content with as well as confident in.  However, now, that is all changing.  I have been doing more studying and have discovered that an impressive number of scientists and intellectuals over the past few decades have been ardently refuting evolution because of the many new discoveries science has made.  These new discoveries appear to point directly toward a creator.  Their arguments are sound and make too much sense to really argue with.  They have strong evidence on their side and so I am here, in this philosophical difficulty.

Over the past year I have become very comfortable with my worldview.  It made sense and gave me peace.  Now my mind is caught in waves of turmoil once again.