This Is An End

by Jason

Here is an excerpt from my journal:

“I don’t want this anymore.  I don’t need it.  I like it, I appreciate it, but it isn’t really me.  It doesn’t really match me anymore.  It is you and it will always be you.  And I want you to know that I have worn this often, always thinking about you, just like I have thought about you every day for the last four years, especially this past year.  Somehow, I have still found this will to dream and imagine a life with you.  I know you were clear that that wasn’t what you want anymore, but somehow, I still held out hope.  But know this, I am not hoping anymore.  I am not wanting anymore either.  I am really happy with my life without you and you wouldn’t really fit into my life anymore anyway.  But thank-you for loving me a hundred years ago and thank-you for teaching me something about what love looks like.  And I will always remember you fondly and with appreciation.  But after you take this box from me, know that my heart will be closed to you forever.  It may be a late ending to a too long novel, but I’ve written it finally.  So good-bye my lover, good-bye my friend.  If you want to say anything more to me say it now, or write me letters.  I enjoy letters.”