Late Night Scribble

by Jase

Really, I should be in bed now. It is almost one in the morning and I have work in the morning. Instead I am awake after an all day headache, a late afternoon nap and essentially doing nothing unless you count graduate school applications as something.

And now as I sit here continuing the unsung accomplishments of my day, I am browsing Twitter and Facebook, occasionally re-Tweeting articles by the Huffington Post and Aljazeera. This is my life sometimes and its alright.

As I scroll through my feed my mind is elsewhere however, thinking silly romantic thoughts and imagining out future possibilities. This is a weakness I have. It creeps up on me sometimes and I don’t even realize where it came from.

I think it was a message a couple of days ago, a terribly unremarkable message but regardless, it sent my foolish mind into spinning strategy mode. Now I am applying to graduate schools, re-evaluating my future plans, and sending out one additional application.

My past experience with romance has been–lets say–less than stellar. Okay, let’s be honest, it has been damn right depressing–literally depressing. But, it has been months since I needed medication to quiet the hollow throbbing.

I guess my soul is a little stubborn and old habits die hard. And I tell myself that I can’t help allowing my heart to hope after a beautiful dream.

Is that so wrong?

It isn’t and it can be. It can be when that dream becomes an all-consuming fantasy. But I have come too far and learned too much to go back down that road again, right? I think so. I believe so.

Hope.

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